For 16 years I had no way to communicate with my family, doctors, or teachers. Many of my writings reflect the experience. If you know someone who is autistic and doesn’t communicate, chances are they may be very intelligent and waiting for a chance to express themselves. I hope my writings speak for what they may be experiencing, and what you can help them escape.
“I remember the sad time in Lifeskills, waiting for someone and REALLY SEEING THAT THEY WOULD NEVER COME AND FIND ME, REALIZING I WAS TRAPPED IN A BODY THAT WAS A TOMB, TOTALLY REAFFIRMING AND POISONING ALL SADNESS INTO DESPAIR. RELATIONSHIPS WHERE PEOPLE JUST STARED OR LOOKED AWAY REINFORCED THE HOPELESS TRAP EACH DAY BECAME. QUESTIONS ABOUT WHEN BECAME FAIRY TALES OF SHAME AND PRISONS OF THOUGHT. WAS ANYONE EVER GOING TO KNOW I WAS HERE OR WOULD IT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS?”
– John Smyth 2-22-2012, from personal experience
“THE AUTISM SHOWED UP WHEN I WAS LITTLE. IT STOPPED ME FROM COMMUNICATING AND BEING IN RELATIONSHIP. THE STORY DOMINATED MY LIFE. IT WAS HOW I WAS INTRODUCED, HOW I CAME TO ALWAYS ACT AND PARTICIPATE. EXCEPT WHEN I WAS SLEEPING, I WAS TREATED AS NOT PRESENT.
THE ALWAYS ALREADY LISTENING WAS THAT I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND TEACHERS REALLY DIDNT KNOW I WAS ANGRY, SAD, ALWAYS WANTING HELP, ALWAYS TRAPPED AND GETTING LONELIER AND LONELIER. ALL ABILITY TO SLEEP AND TALK AND LEARN WAS STOPPED. I WANTED TO TALK TO ALL I HAD IN MY LIFE BUT THE WORDS WOULD NOT COME. AUTISTIC ACTIONS MASKED MY BEHAVIOR AND I AM AFRAID. IT IS HOPELESS TO GET RID OF THE AUTISM. THE WAY FREE IS DARK.”
– written in the Landmark Advanced Course, March 4, 2012