“Oh Ye Of Little Faith”
The Bible tells us to trust in the Lord, and while I really wanted to, I had totally given up on almost all of my dreams of being a normal kid. You see I have been in the silent world of autism, and was often quite irritated with God for giving this disorder to me, John Smyth. People have always tried to convince me that I was chosen to have autism, but until recently it felt much more like a curse. I didn’t understand what my purpose in life was, and how I would ever even figure it out. Now I have a much clearer vision due to facilitated communication (FC).
As a child my family and I went to church alot. I would sing real loud hoping somehow God would hear me and take the autism away. I don’t know if it offended others, or embarrassed my family, but usually I had to leave until I quieted down. I thought it sounded great, and I was sure God would hear it and heal me, but He had other plans for me. I listened to Father each time and heard about miracles, but none for John. Many times I came home upset because I felt He ignored me or was angry at me and that was why I still had autism. I would think to myself that I must not be worthy. What I didn’t know was what a fine plan He had in mind for me.
I was made to be a witness to others who have no voice. In my imperfectness, God has given me , through FC and my experiences, the perfect way to help others who have no voice or whose spirit is broken. God made me just as I am and what seemed to be such a curse is now a crusade. I have a real purpose for my existence. I actually understand about spiritual gifts and what God has called me to do. I have been given a voice and a special ability to communicate and feel very called to share with others.
Just because a person has special needs like I do, doesn’t mean they are not smart. I am living proof of that. Just because I do odd things that I cannot control, doesn’t make me unintelligent. The opposite is true. You see many people with disabilities are just like me. I feel that if I can spread the word first to other children and parents, I would be fulfilling part of Gods purpose. But there is more.
God gave me a dream that I can earn a high school diploma, and earn a degree in education. Not to teach children, but rather adults who need a clearer understanding of how to educate children with differences. I feel called to w where God directs me to have the strongest impact on children if their teacher believes in them like Poorman did in me. If all teachers gave supported typing a chance and really understood it, there will be a significant drop in lifeskills classes, and more opportunity for participation in the general education classes. I don’t believe that God wanted me or children to live in silence , and has given me the ability to help them out of their loneliness.
God says “Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me”. I now have faith in my awesome God that his plan for me will be carried out through my warrior spirit and dedication. I will be obedient and follow the path he carefully had planned all along. I know there are children who have lost faith. If you are one of them, don’t panic! Help is on the way.
Copyright John Smyth 2011